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An Exodus

Wanting bliss, but its more numbness to hide the darkness and to truly understand what is the dark about the darkness.

My passion feels misguided chasing less of the things that bring a different kind of joy, an organic, not manufactured joy.

Today I give myself grace as well as self-forgiveness for it is forgiveness that is awarded to us from the Divine.

For years now certain suspicions have not been allowed to permeate my conscious self, rather than theorize, I must practice radical acceptance now in this moment and in every moment. Acceptance is accessible an in Eternal Way.

Enters shame from sins from the past. I often forget the truth behind the cliches about the past and am suddenly driven to just the tip of serenity.

This shame spiral is none other than a disguise. The man behind the curtain longs for my destruction as I hold up a mirror to face my destroyer. Innate in us all is this reflection of a deep darkness questioning our hiding of our skeletons. For the light to exist so must the dark as that is the way of present things. Expression of both energies must occur in order for both to co-exist. They start when feelings, then thought and then lead to action – or inaction. Karma somehow rides along through this path as well. I am intensely challenged with my disbelief in the love for oneself; the hesitation sits behind fear. The idea of salvation that bears the cosmic gifts of unconditional love is accessible to all, in many forms, across different systems of belief. This embracing of this love scratched the surface of a psychic itch that say intellectually is more than curiosity but emotionally is met with great fear. Fear of letting go as this action almost always requires some form of emotional pain.

Fear of release and yet so aroused at the promise of deliverance. It’s not the details that will drive me home, no, it is only reconciliation with the heart – a beautiful, painful, erotic, masculine, and feminine experience and exodus from my shadow side-controlled world.